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  • Barbara Elk

Catching My Breath

It's been a little over a year since I wrote my last blog post. You might think a year is a long time but not when you're trying to catch your breath after divulging so much of yourself as well as facing your own truth.

As a long distance runner, I know the importance of giving your muscles and body the rest it needs in between runs. The stress on each muscle area and joints can take a toll if you're not careful, which is why stretching, eating the proper foods, ensuring you're hydrating yourself and mentally preparing yourself before, during and after runs is vital. The same goes when you choose to face your own trauma.

I say "choose", because not everyone can face their trauma. Trauma takes a lot out of a person on a daily basis which is why many choose not to deal with it. But sometimes, a person is forced to face it when their life spins wildly out of control, as did mine. I was forced to deal with it at the age of seventeen when I was found wandering the streets in the town where I grew up. When the police found me, I was crying uncontrollably and verbally stating that I wanted to die. I was drained of trying and pretending that I was something that I wasn't for my unloving and cold adopted parents. I craved for support, caring and love, none of which I received at the adopted home. I was given a respite from my pain, loneliness and taxing life by being hospitalized for four months at two different mental health facilities. It felt wonderful to be away from the uncaring, restrictive adoption "home" (I loosely call it a "home"). I was relieved to be able to "catch my breath" for the first time in my life since being kidnapped and trafficked from my biological home at the age of five. I was able to think clearly, relax and was grateful to be surrounded by adults who actually listened and asked me questions about my well-being. I was also given the space I didn't know I craved just to be silent and still.

That's what I experienced and allowed myself to do this past year. I need time to "catch my breath", demanding from loved ones time to allow me to

be silent and still. In other words - I loved myself. I began therapy again, started writing notes and researched for the autobiography I plan to publish, took time to exercise and eat properly and started keeping in better touch with people who are healthy for me. I continued connecting with the Great Energy (Creator, God, or whatever you choose to call the Higher Entity) and shared my fears with the spirits around me, requesting that they guide me throughout my days. I became more aware of my existence and time here on this planet, realizing that life is so fleeting and short. I make it a habit to step outside first thing in the morning, even if it's raining, to say "thank you" out loud to the Great Energy and Spirits around me.

I can breath again and so I'm ready to once again share with you more of my writings. I hope you enjoy them and if you have questions, please email me at barbaraelkz@yahoo.com or send me a message on this platform.


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